poetry from the lock down

My first kiss happened in the elevator of the restaurant nobody goes to after lunch

He suggested it; I acted as if it wasn’t pre-planned.

I escaped my finance class, just to see his face, touch his beard, and feel his lips on my neck

Felt like I was living a dream.

I looked in the mirror to fix my lipstick stain and he squeezed my butt and hugged me from the back

I never felt so loved before

Looking back now I realize, people don’t kiss because they’re in love

The emotions are illusions created by the body

It’s biology, not psychology

We were both our bodies, acting to be in love to calm our urges.

-The Elevator Kiss

I kept waiting for your call, I prayed to god you weren’t playing games

I kept hoping when you said you’re busy, you actually were.

I turned myself blind to your online activity

I don’t know what hurt most, the ‘I am in call with a client right now’ reply every time I texted or the fact that you just didn’t want to talk with me anymore.

I remembered the time; you used to call me every day and every night

The time you said, let’s stay and talk when it was 4 am

And now you seem to be running out of time.

I am so bad at math but this isn’t so impossible to solve.

You just don’t want me anymore, right?

I bore you now

-All the nights I lost sleep because of you

‘Watch youtube videos, learn how to seduce men.’ He said to me one night

My clothes were off

And he was unimpressed

I hid my tears; I couldn’t speak, I didn’t have a good comeback, I couldn’t save the girl inside me, who deserved to be treated right.

He saw me crestfallen and said his goodnight.

You hurt me- is all I could manage.

He hurt me without realizing it. He never apologized. Two days later, I called him baby again; I undressed myself for him again, trying to get validation.

Ah, stupid girl, when will you ever learn?

-hurt

You wouldn’t call unless you see my sexy snap

It was almost as if, I am just a body with no emotions

I am just your sex doll

-‘Entertain me, I am bored.’

It’s the memory of your voice that tortures me at night

I try talking with other men, you are like always at the back of my mind listening and commenting and criticizing,

‘You would say this instead of that’

Your sleepy sexy groan

You calling me baby when I am not responding

My mind is not ready to accept another being.

First it needs to erase you.

-Memories of you

I still wait for your call

And it has been a week after I said we are done.

I know how stupid this is, how wrong you are for me

But I will still melt to your hello.

-all that waiting

Quarantine makes me wonder

Are you still worth a second chance?

Maybe after this lockdown, couple more dates, couple more kisses

We’ll be okay?

-day dreaming

The word ‘casual’ doesn’t exist in my dictionary

I only got my first kiss at 23

I only learned romanticizing from all the dumb shit movies I binge on.

I only have learned that, men who tell you they don’t see themselves falling for you; end up proposing you with red roses and wine.

I read all his lines wrong.

I only ate the lies not the harsh reality.

-Rom-coms & Chic-flicks